Totally Pointless
by ladydelirium007
Summary: Something my friend and I wrote during Drivers Ed. Has some LotR, some Twin Peaks and some West Wing. We kill a lot of really annyoing charecters, so go on, read it.


Totally Pointless  
  
This is a vey pointless thing my friend and I wrote up during drivers ed. It's got a little west wing, some twin peaks, and some lord of the rings.Also includes fantasies of me marrying elijah wood. Oh, I live a sad life. Read and Review. Or, you know, don't.  
  
  
  
One day I was walking down the street when this lepreachaun came up to me. "I'll grant you three wishes," he said.  
  
and I was all, "Hell no, mofo! I don't like midgets. Then he bit my ear off.  
  
And I screamed, "Ow, my foot!"  
  
Then his cousin came out and introduced herself as Micky. She was moaning about oppressive republicans and I shouted, "Bitch, I'm not a republican!" And I stabbed her in the arm.  
  
She screamed, "Shit! My toe!"  
  
"Viva la resistance!" Screamed my small midget friend, waving a flag. then I stabbed her. I hate politics. Then I noticed Mickey was holding her left hand. It was numb! Just then a ring fell from the sky.  
  
Micky was all, "Wow that's pretty. I wonder if there's a good reason I shouldn't put it on."  
  
And then Bilbo jumped her. "It's mine! My own! My precious! Thief! Thieeeeefffffff!" But just at that moment, Frodo joins the fray. They kicked Mickey's ass and sent her packing.  
  
Frodo then fell madly in love with me!! Then Killer BOB came out and was like, "God! I'm five minutes late and you guys go all Lord of the Rings on me!"  
  
Then I heard maniacle laughter in the bushes and (dum, dum, dum) Purist Sam steps out of the dark. He looks extremely mischevious.  
  
And then BOB was all, "don't upstage me, mofo!" And he put Sam into a golf bag and threw him into a river. Gee, I hope he doesn't come back.  
  
But then came a horrible scream and Sam cried, "You damn revisionists! You will not prevail!" And then he said something about being a naught but a ninnyhammer. And then Agent Cooper came and said, "Wait! I know who killed Laura Palmer! It was..." but before he could finish Pippin came out of nowhere and pushed him down the well.  
  
and then I was all, "Wait, dude! I saw that episode! It was the father!" Everyone gasped. Then they were all, "Good detective work Katie."  
  
And then, because I wanted to, we were suddenly transported to the Old Forrest which Peter Jackson regretfully cut out of his movie. There, we found Mandy, from the West Wing, and and Old tom Bombadil, two people everyone had forgotten about. But Tom Bombadil fed Mandy to Old Man Willow. She was really bugging him.  
  
Death to Mandy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then I was all, "This is my story mofo!" And I kicked his ass.  
  
And then I had a problem. You see, there are many, many people who were very angry about Tom being cut out of the movie. And the were very sensitivw when it came to Tom. So when I kicked his ass, they got pissed and kicked my ass. Then I was all, "Hey, let's kill all the annoying people on the West Wing! *cough*Amy*cough*. They were all, "Hell yeah!" And killer Bob was all, "Finally, you use me!"  
  
But killer BOB said, "But how to do it? That's the real question here. Let's ask the person who hates her the most. Josh?" (Because we all know he really hates her.)  
  
"I think we should do a cagematch with her and Donna (the woman I really love.) cuz we all know Donna will kick her ass."  
  
Amy smirked and said, "I could kick that blond stick's ass in a second." She then turned to josh and said, "How do you want me to kill her J?"  
  
Then Donna punched that bitch and said "I'll kick your ass, bitch!" and Amy was all, "Bring it on!"  
  
"Yes," said Doug maliciously, "Let's throw in some mud and tight fitting clothing to boot."  
  
Toby looked disgusted and pushed Doug out the window. Nobody asked any questions.  
  
Then Connie, the only new person we like, said, "Thank God, I was tired of explaining what he meant."  
  
We then threw Bruno out the window, too. As he was falling to death, Margaret leaned out the window and yelled, "What's my name now, bitch!"  
  
Then, in the cage donna threw Amy, causing her to break through the cage and crash against the wall. Josh then picked her up and threw hew out the window. She landed on Doug's fat ass and severly distorted her back, killing her painfully.  
  
And then Josh and Donna hooked up and lived happily ever after. No, wait we forgot about Cliff. Donna kicked his smarmy as and condemned him to hell. THEN they lived happily ever after.  
  
And down in hell, Satan sentenced Amy and Cliff to live a horrible life together for the rest of eternity. (Complete with catastophic sexual disfunction)  
  
And, in the closet of forgotton charecters, Mandy, Danny, Mallory, Laurie, and Cathy held a vigil for two more charecters who's fates were doomed.  
  
And off in the Old Forrest, Old Tom shed a tear, because there was no candle for him.  
  
And then, in the Land of Plot Devices, the girl JD dated from Scrubs before he and Elliot hooked up looked down at the two people who had been spewed from the earth. satan had sent them out of hell cause Cliff was having issues with his sexuality and hitting on Satan. The girl rejoiced at the two new friends she had in the land of Plot Devices.  
  
But enough of that bitch, let's go back to Tom. Just as his tear hit the ground the dorr blew open and, low and behold, it was Radagast the Brown come to join Tom. "Fear not, my forest friend. I too was forgotten. Together we will avenge ourselves."  
  
"But what will we do?" whimpered Tom.  
  
"Ihave a plan..."  
  
Then they were all, "awww... Katie doesn't know what we're talking about. So let's respectfully leave."  
  
Then Mickey jumped out and was all, "Who the hell stole my ring! I have no ring to put on!"  
  
And Killer Bob was all, "Oh, now my evil spirit has to enter your body."  
  
But she was all bitchy about it. "But I don't want to be possessed by an evil spirit that will forever imprison my soul in the black lodge!"  
  
"Do you think I give a shit?" Bob said and his spirit entered Mickey.  
  
She then killed a bunch of people and wreaked havoc upon the earth.  
  
And Agent cooper was let out out of the Black Lodge and he was all, "I hope that bitch Annie is dead so I can hook up with Audrey."  
  
And I was all, "dude audrey died in that bank explosion."  
  
And then he sunk to his muttering, "Audrey." He then looked to the sky and shouted "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
~End~ 


End file.
